
While Mr Christ's exact address may remain a moot point, there is one thing we know for certain. And that's that he loves us. This is because, in addition to Kaka, we've also been told by numerous other Brazilian internationals. "Almost the entire 2002 Brazilian squad seemed to have similar slogans under their shirts when they won the World Cup," notes Mohammed Choudhary, he of the amazing X-ray eyes. Of course we jest: Mohammed is no doubt referring to the likes of Lucio and unused substitute Kaka cavorting about in their vests, but only half the team scrawled religious messages on captain Cafu's shirt before he lifted the trophy. "Lucio still does it at Bayern Munich," adds Rajan X, who may or may not be a distant relation of Malcolm.
Speaking of Muslims, and indeed Bayern, Paul Haynes reports how "Franck Ribéry raises his hands to Allah at the beginning of every match as he enters the playing area". As does, Mohammed Choudhary adds, Fredi Kanouté of Sevilla: "He has always been quite open about being a Muslim. Whenever he scored, he would open up his hands in supplication, like most Muslims do after their prayers. He tried to cover the 888.com advert on his Sevilla shirt because gambling is against his religion." Kanouté was even fined €3,000 by the Spanish Soccer Federation for celebrating a goal against Deportivo de La Coruña by lifting his shirt to reveal a T-shirt with the word 'Palestine' adorning it, plus other Arabic words. Article 120 of the rules and regulations in Spain prohibits players from displaying religious or political messages on the pitch.
Franck Ribéry (left) & Fredi Kanouté (right)

Getting his message across on the field was something devout Christian Marvin Andrews was only too happy to do while at Rangers. "I don't remember any T-shirts," writes Ciaran Carey, "but he publicly declared having sought God's advice on transfer matters and also spurned an operation on a cruciate ligament injury, declaring his faith would see him through." Reinforcing his religious outlook, Andrews explained to Small Talk in 2007 why homosexuality "is against the word of God", adding that "the Bible said that it's an abomination to God; that God created a man to be with a woman or a woman to be with a man. Simple as that." The Knowledge also vaguely recalls listening to Andrews being interviewed on Radio Five Live in the immediate aftermath of Rangers' 2003 SPL win. Upon being asked for his reaction, Andrews sobbed uncontrollably for the best part of a minute, before screaming "I love God" for another 60 seconds or so. It was an improvement on "the boys done good", at least.